What Weighs 220 Pounds?

A 250cc moped

1 million dollars in $10 bills

An average adult male panda bear

Me.

I am officially at the highest weight I've ever been. I used to say that I was ok with my weight as long as I weighed under 200 pounds. Well, that's been blown out the window. I now weigh what I weighed at the END of my pregnancy with Penelope. But this time, I don't have baby weight to blame. I only have myself. I can sit here and say I'm shocked, and I don't know what happened, but that would be an absolute lie.

What I am is embarrassed. Embarrassed that my size 18 jeans are now getting too tight. Embarrassed that I get winded chasing my 15 month old daughter around and can't keep up. Embarrassed that I weigh 70 pounds more than my husband who is 3 inches taller than me.

I also feel ashamed that I let myself get to this weight and didn't really seem to care. I never thought I'd be ok weighing over 200 pounds, but apparently I am. Until now.

I have to change this for Penelope. I don't want my daughter to have to see me struggle with my weight the way I watched my mom struggle with hers. I want her to be comfortable in her own skin, with a healthy lifestyle, and high self esteem. That's not going to happen if she has a mom who hates the way she looks, and what she eats.

I have to change this for Travis. I want to be the best wife I can be, and I can't be that if I can't stand the sight of myself in the mirror. I want him to be proud of me and love my body. I want to be able to believe him when he says he does.

But most importantly, I have to do this for myself. I'm tired of not having any energy. I'm tired of having headaches, heartburn, back pain, and clothes that fit too tight. I'm sick of being the fat friend. I'm tired of having to wear clothes that hide my figure and not accent it. I'm tired of being ashamed of how I look in a bathing suit.

I've done Weight Watchers in the past and had good success with it (25+ pounds), but I've always made it a diet and not a lifestyle change. That's been the problem. I'd lose the weight and then "go off diet" and gain it all back, and then some. What I need to change is my mindset. I'm going back on Weight Watchers and I'm going to do it for real this time. I have to.

I'll be doing it online as it is much cheaper than going to meetings. Plus, I never found the meetings terribly helpful anyway. And I'm doing it openly. No more hiding behind my "diet." So, here's the statistics:

Current Weight: 220 pounds
BMI: 37.8
BMI Category: Obese
Final Weight Goal: 150 pounds

Now, I'm not putting a whole lot of stock in the BMI, because I do have a lot of muscle in my legs, but lets be honest. There's a lot of fat there too. The recommended weight for my height according to the BMI charts is 111-146 pounds. The average weight for women my age and height is 157 pounds. So I figured, I'll set my goal weight for 150 pounds, right in the middle. That's a 70 pound change. I can't even imagine myself 70 pounds lighter.

I'm going to take it slow and really make life changes. And I'm going to reward myself often to keep my motivation up. I haven't decided quite how yet, but once I do, I'll make sure to post.

So here it is. I'm ready to start. Here's to tomorrow and here's to a new me!